Military Man
Dear Stalin:
I am currently enrolled at my school's ROTC program as a way for me to pay for
some of my tuition. I have been having a difficult time doing the program and
maintaining my grades. Also, I was not prepared for the intense political
scrutiny of being in this program. Any advice?
- Future Marine
Dear Future Marine:
I know something about the military. I am a big fan of the ROTC program. I
only wished that some of you would have helped me out when Hitler was kicking my
ass, but no hard feelings. I see that you are aspiring to be a marine. I watch
those Marines commercials like everyone else. Why do they go through such tough
training in arenas? For what? So that you can get a fancy sword and a uniform.
Who are you going to beat up with a pretty sword? Give me an outdated Uzi, and I
guarantee to kick some Marine ass. And don't do the Navy. Don't join the armed
force branch that the Village People rhapsodizes about.
Sorry, going back to your original point. You probably thought that ROTC was an
easy way to make money and score with chicks, huh? Boy, that is so far from the
truth. The only military man who gets any action is the Commander-in-Chief. Same
thing in Russia. I would walk around in my uniform (see handsome picture of me)
and get my pick of the ladies. And you "reserve officers" (note:
snicker, snicker) get the bottom of the barrel. Forget about Helga, Olga, and Ulga and forget about fancy
swords, and forget about your little precious ROTC. And don't invade Russia.
Stalin
