Director: Jerry Zucker
Starring: Patrick Swayze,Demi Moore,Whoopi Goldberg
Ghost is a profoundly dumb movie. To cop a line from Billy Madison, you can actually feel yourself getting stupider while watching Ghost. I know some people who swear by this movie and anything else Patrick Swayze has been in, notably Dirty Dancing. These are people I am no longer friends with. God knows I gotta have some principles.
People make mistakes all the time, and I can understand that. But there are some mistakes that should never be forgiven. One such mistake is the bestowing of a best picture Oscar nomination on this trite piece of garbage in 1990. Just for that dumb-ass move, the Academy should be carpet-bombed.
Ghost stars Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore as Sam and Molly, a young, madly-in-love couple who live in New York. Sam is killed one night by what seems like a random mugging, and Molly mopes for weeks, trying to piece her life back together. But Sam, remaining in this world as a ghost, has a secret: he knows his murder was not random, and was in fact a contract killing by a treacherous friend. Sam believes that Molly’s life is in danger, and, with the aid of a psychic (Whoopi Goldberg), he attempts to get in touch with her to warn her.
The plot is pockmarked with the kind of nauseating hokum that only a cornball could appreciate. Like how Molly can’t stop telling Sam, “I love you,” but he can never bring himself to say it, only telling her, “Ditto.” You know that’s the kind of exchange that they’ll bring back at the end of the movie to squeeze some more cheap tears from the audience. Of course, the highlight, or lowlight, of the movie is the famous scene of Sam the Ghost getting it on with Molly as she makes pottery to the tune of the Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained Melody.” The filmmakers should be flogged just for bringing back that god-awful song.
And from the random trivia department: this movie was directed by Jerry Zucker, who along with his brother, David, and Jim Abrahams, were the group behind the Naked Gun and Airplane! comedies. This was Jerry Zucker’s first stab at drama. He should have kept the proverbial day job.
What it comes down to is this: Patrick Swayze comes from the fifth ring of hell. He is one of two celebrities who’s made me question the existence of a god. (The other being Bob Saget.) I could fill an entire volume discussing just why this man’s career should be stopped, and why all memory of him should be eradicated. But I’m not bitter like that. Besides, the guy’s practically disappeared, so there’s no point in kicking a man when he’s down.
Let my warning suffice: view this movie at your own risk. Demi Moore’s misty-eyed acting is bad enough. Having to deal with the cheesy script and the spectacle of Patrick Swayze trying to act is punishment of a cruel and unusual kind. Do humanity a favor and skip this flick.
