Homer vs. Dignity
The Simpsons return to form after last week's enjoyable, but mediocre, episode. In the opening sequence, Bart writes, “I was not the sixth Beatle.” Then each member of the family pulls a jump off of a skate ramp.
The episode begins with the family celebrating Bart's first “A” with a nice dinner out. Bart explains how he did so well. On the day the school checked each of the students for head lice, Principal Skinner and Ms. Kraboppel use an ostensibly empty classroom to conduct their “own private cootie check.” Kraboppel suggests doing it on Martin's desk. Skinner agrees, “It's usually the cleanest.” Bart, choosing not to reveal himself, hides in the closet. To block out the lovefest, he studies. Then when test time came, “the answers were stuck in [Bart's] brain. It's like another whole kind of cheating.”
Having finished the story and the meal, Homer attempts to pay with his credit card. It is declined. The family pulls the old dine-and-dash. Unhappily for them, the restaurant features a security door that traps them. Unable to pay, the family must act as mariachis. Riding home, Marge wonders when they became the lowest order of society. Homer replies, “When that cold snap killed off all the hobos.” Standing on the frame of the car with Bart, Lisa asks about the missing back seat. As the car cruises to a stop, Homer explains that he “sold it for gas money . . . which [he] spent on a novelty horn.”
Marge and Homer go to consult a financial planner. There, they learn that they need to make more money, as Homer is too stupid to save any. At the conclusion of the consultation, Homer hands the planner a card that likely states that he was a deaf-mute and couldn't pay. The planner responds, “I know you're not a deaf-mute, Mr. Simpson. We've been talking for the last 20 minutes.” Instead of answering her charge, Marge and Homer jet.
At the power plant, Mr. Smithers tells Mr. Burns that his play about Malibu Stacy is being staged in New Mexico and that he needs some time off. Burns acquiesces and wanders around the plant, saying, “with the old ball and chain gone, I can finally have some fun around the office.” Upon coming across a candy machine, he cries, “Ah, a candy shop.” When the machine doesn't respond to his order, Burns warns it that it just made a very powerful enemy.
Burns wanders to the workers' cafeteria where Homer is drinking to work up his courage to ask for a raise. Burns stops at the salad bar and is thrown off by the sneeze-guard. He believes that there is “some kind of force-field around the vegetables.” Homer explains the concept of the glass and requests a raise. Burns counters with a proposal: Homer will be his prank monkey. His first job is to throw pudding at Lenny. Homer questions this assignment, “At Lenny? But he's a war hero.” $4 changes his tune. Homer even beans Karl. Burns is aghast, “What are you doing, man? That's Karl.”
Homer's second assignment involves a visit to the comic book store. There, the proprietor is finishing a marshmallow candy and lamenting his lack of success with women with the line, “Oh, if only real chicks went down so easy.” Mr. Burns is disgusted by the way he sits there eating “candy like a Spaniard.” Homer buys the first edition of Spiderman. The proprietor offers him a brown paper bag or mylar cover for the rare and valuable comic. Homer declines, “No thanks. I'll just eat it here.” The owner weeps.
The rest of the episode features Homer doing a bunch of degrading acts. Lisa discovers how Homer has been making extra money and prevails upon him to stop and regain his dignity. Homer refuses Mr. Burns. He “may be naked and reeking of panda love,” but he has his dignity. Not knowing what to do with his dirty money, Homer buys toys for poor children at Costington's Department Store. Or as guest star Leeza Gibbons, calls it, “the thing downtown that's open . . . right next to the men's shelter.” Homer is rewarded with the role of Santa Claus in their Thanksgiving Day parade. Kent Brockman notes that it is “another 80 degree Thanksgiving Day, thanks to global warming.” Gibbons explains that the Native American float is “comprised entirely of broken treaties. Then, Brockman announces Homer's float as the favorite of all, “whether you're Christian, or just non-Jewish.” Mr. Burns offers Homer a million dollars to throw fish guts, instead of presents, at the crowd. Homer walks away with no cash, but his dignity. Burns throws fish guts on the crowd anyway. And then the gulls attack.
This episode was a lot funnier than the lines may suggest. Also, there was a Noid float in the parade, allowing for another Domino's reference. If you missed this episode, you didn't miss the best or the worst.
