"Simpsons Tall Tales"
This week's installment of The Simpsons was the season finale. While
it was only mediocre, I savored it, as it will be months before Matt Groening
and his team produce any more episodes, which, even at their worst, are
generally the best thing on television.
The introduction featured Bart writing, "I should not be twenty-one by
now," on the blackboard, a sly nod to the longevity of the show and its
age-arrested characters. Next, in the couch scene, the living room is turned
into a subway station.
The episode opens with the Simpson family at the airport. Apparently, the
family has won a contest that has them on their way to Delaware. Lisa gushes,
"I want to see Wilmington." Bart adds, "I want to visit a screen
door factory." Marge replies, "Yup, Delaware has got it all."
However, when Air Delaware won't waive the airport tax, Homer causes enough
trouble to get the family booted. They decide to hop a train.
The car turns out to be occupied. The hobo in it reassures, "Now, don't
worry. I'm not a stabbing hobo. I'm a singing hobo." He promptly breaks
into a song about stabbing. After Marge voices her concern, the hobo answers,
"I was just having a little fun with you nobos." The hobo strikes up a
tune about Paul Bunyen.
The first segment features Homer as an oafish Paul Bunyen who continually
crushes the townspeople. The town decides that something needs to be done. Carl
suggests, "Hey, I say we get him drunk and drag him out of town. The same
way we got rid of Laura Ingalls Wilder." The next montage scene shows how
Paul and his ox, Babe, figure in the creation of the Great Smokey Mountains,
Death Valley, and Big Holes With Beer National Park. Lisa interrupts when the
hobo sings of Paul's battle with Rhodan. The hobo responds, "Hey, hey.
Who's the hobo here?" He picks up the tale, describing how Paul finds love.
Paul asks Marge, his love interest, "We've been together a longtime now.
When are we going to … you know?" She answers, "Soon. I just need a
few more yoga classes." Back at the settlement, a crisis looms. A meteor is
headed for the town. Reverend Lovejoy proclaims, "God has sent this fiery
kill-rock to show his love." The story ends with Paul catching the meteor
and throwing it into a neighboring burg. The hobo croons, "And that's how
Paul Bunyen started the Great Chicago Fire." The enthused family agrees to
give the hobo a sponge bath in exchange for some more tall tales.
The second tall tale is about "Connie Appleseed," played by Lisa.
After Homer accidentally shoots a buffalo, Connie accuses, "You just killed
a poor defenseless buffalo." Homer corrects, "A poor delicious
buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train." Then, Homer takes aim
and kills another. Connie nags, "Why'd you kill another one?" Homer
answers, "Dessert." Later, around the campfire, Connie says,
"People, if you don't stop this slaughter, you'll wipe out the
buffalo." Dr. Hibbert condescends, "Wipe out an entire species? Why
that's impossible." Even the buffalo laugh. Connie stalks off, asking,
"Why is it that we have ladders that can put a man on the roof, but we
can't find a renewable source of food?" Then, she realizes that apples are
the answer. Connie leaves the wagon train and plants apple trees across America.
At the close of the segment, she saves her family from starvation by providing
them with apples, after the buffalo have all been killed.
The third story is about the adventures of Huck Finn (Nelson) and Tom Sawyer
(Bart). "That's not a tall tale. It's a book by Mark Twain."
"Look, let's just do this thing." After Huck holds the hand of Becky
(Lisa), Homer decides that they must be married. At the ceremony, it is revealed
that Huck has dressed a pig in his stead. Homer states, "No wonder he was
pooping so much." Huck and Tom raft down the Mississippi, into the next
state. Out of food, Tom and Huck buy supplies at Apu's "Pone, Pelts and
Beyond." They are outraged by the cost. Apu responds, "If you think my
prices are high, go across the street." Across the street is a "99
Cent Store." After some hoopla, the boys are caught and killed.
With the close of the third story, the train pulls into Delaware. The Simpson
family disembarks. They invite the hobo to join them. Lisa says, "We're
going to visit the place where J.C. Penny sends their damaged merchandise."
The hobo declines. However, he demands two more sponge baths in return for his
stories. Homer grudgingly agrees.
So, goodbye fair reader. I hope that these highlights have helped sate your
hunger for The Simpsons. Although there won't be any more new episodes of
The Simpsons, there is the NBA's post-season basketball for the next few
weeks. And of course, you can always turn to the rest of the CampusNut family
for other entertaining material and contests.
