"Falling Up"
Opening: Ally's on a plane to Detroit to see Larry, but she's getting weirded
out because the nun sitting next to her is blathering on about contraceptives.
Yeah, only on Ally McBeal. Ally excuses herself and tries to go to the
bathroom, but she accidentally opens the hatch and gets SUCKED INTO OBLIVION!!!
As interesting a plot twist as that might have proved to be, it turns out that
it was all just a dream…
ROLL CREDITS
Actually, the credits didn't roll at that point – Ally runs to snuggle up
with Renee (which is kind of unsettling in its own right) and instead finds
herself snuggling with Jackson! She screams, Jackson screams, Renee screams,
yadda yadda yadda… okay, now we can…
ROLL CREDITS
…so anyway, this week's prime piece of legal fanfare features Cage
representing a man who wants his marriage annulled because his wife suddenly
decided she doesn't want children. A dastardly, dastardly thing to do! Ally,
meanwhile, goes to see a new therapist, who's played by none other than Rhea
Pearlman (it's like the show's grown so insecure that it's started grabbing
actors off the street and begging them to appear in an episode). I think it's
worth noting that my brother and I always inevitably invoke Pearlman's
short-lived sitcom Pearl as a symbol of everything that sucks about CBS
programming. Anyway, ol' Pearl gets handed the very complex role of the acerbic
therapist who staunchly advises Ally to dump Larry and dump him fast. That
results in four very dynamic and challenging minutes worth of work, and then she
departs the show for good, never to be seen again…
The defendant in John's case claims that she did want to have children, but,
well, she changed her mind. She didn't want to give up her career or something.
Cage doesn't buy it and suggests that she's a money-grubbing bimbo who preyed on
his poor client and suckered him into a marriage under false pretenses! Not that
it matters, because this whole case has only been fabricated by David E. Kelley
in order to drive a wedge between John and Melanie. Because as Cage is
discussing the case, Melanie drops the bomb that, even though she's a teacher
who has a wonderful way with children, she doesn't actually want to pump out any
tykes of her own. So let me see if I've got this straight – she doesn't
believe in marriage, she doesn't want kids, she has some psycho homeless father,
she was facing murder charges just a few months ago, and she's actually a
lesbian in real life. So why is John still seeing this woman?
